Houstonians at Houston Chipotle

I am normally a calm boy, especially when I am about to enjoy a fine Chipotle dinner, but not calm for 17 minutes standing in line! As some of you know, I am no longer living in Denver, which is a very very stupid thing…actually this post is proof you should never leave Denver, NEVER!

I know this doesn’t have the classic touches of a DSC story, but Chipotle is an official sponsor of the society, it started in Denver, and they serve booze (can’t go wrong with that). I know I am partly pissed off because I had to drive to Chipotle, and driving in this town is so fucking stupid, but that is an entire book on its own. So I’ll start as I pull up to Chipotle.

Pull into Chipotle parking lot, blasting Techno, all the high schoolers at starbucks look at me, the must be thinking…badass! Well maybe they aren’t, but fuck em, they don’t own a kick ass new car and they have to take a math test tomorrow, and i bet they pray they get to talk to Sexy McCheerleader in the hall, haha sucks to be them! Chipotle trip starts out sweet!

Walk in the door…there is a line, shit! O well, it is Chipotle. Those girls can wrap a burritto faster than Sexy McCheerleader can wrap up a dick on prom night (that simile might not work for you if your hot high school cheerleader didn’t use a condom and got prego’s in high school). Like 6 people in line, that is like 3 minutes tops…WRONG!!!!! What the fuck are you fuckers odering up there, a Pizza! Big girls, asian people, more big people, and pull up your fucking pants kid… that is who is in front of me. Big girl 1: “I want tacos, one beef, one chicken, and one pork.” She then proceeds to slowly pick the most random toppings for each taco, all of them are different. “O wait, I want beans on that too!” FUCK, KILL ME NOW… I just want the girl to make my damn food so i can leave!

Girl two: “I don’t know what I want?” What the hell was she doing while her friend was tring to create the largest possible combination of chipotle ingredients in one basket? 3 minutes go by, seriously I timed it nothing happened for three minutes! It was like a stare down in a poker match. “I know what I want, a burrito bowl.” WITH EVERYTHING ON IT…no wonder your ass is so big, you should have to pay for 4 people. She was sneaky too, she would wait for the girl to put all the meat in the bowl and then say, “O i want half chicken and half steak.” Which actually doubled the amount of meat. The thrid time she tried this, the illegal behind the counter  said she was going to have to pay for extra meat… “No that is ok then,” big girl 2 says.

Asains next. Not too much here, they still don’t know what they want though. Seriously, you couldn’t read the menu? Chipotle has like 4 words on its menu, how long does it take to read that? O and yeah order your burrito  while talking on your cell phone. You know that girl behind the counter doesn’t speak english that well, so when she asks if you want black or pinto, your cell phone better not make you say, “what?” FUCK you said it didn’t you. I want to stab you in the eye!

I could go on, but I will just end it. I finally got to the counter, I knew what I wanted, I knew what they were going to ask me, and I was done so quickly I could have lapped everyone if front of me a million times. Luckly, my cock is bigger than there’s. Got in the saab, bumped the techno and went to get some booze.
God I hate this town. I went with the recommended soft taco, CARNITAS, Hot Salsa, Cheese, Guac…sour cream might have been tops. I just kinda tried to make an American Psycho illusion, I don’t know if it worked or not.